Dr Margot Sunderland is Director of Education and Training at The Centre for Child Mental Health London, Senior Associate of the Royal College of Medicine and Child Psychotherapist with over thirty years' experience of working with children and families. Dr Sunderland is the author of over twenty books in child mental health, which collectively have been translated into eighteen languages and published in twenty-four countries. Her books, which form the Helping Children with Feelings series, are used as key therapeutic tools by child professionals all over the UK and abroad.

Nicky Armstrong holds an MA from the Slade School of Fine Art and a BA Hons in Theatre Design from the University of Central England. She is the principal artist at The London Art House and has illustrated over twenty books, which have been published in many countries. Nicky has also achieved major commissions nationally and internationally in mural work and fine art.

INTRODUCTION

How to use this book

Why use drawings and images to speak about feelings?

How to work safely

Key rules and guidelines in helping someone to speak about feelings

About sandplay and how to use it

YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

You, your relationships, your life
Encouragers and discouragers in my life (past and present)
People in your life, as gardens
The cocktail party
Your relationships as walls, bridges, comfortable sofas & take off
Museum of too alone
My childhood memories: People as places
Relationship riches

DEAD, DEPRIVING, DRAINING, DISAPPOINTING RELATIONSHIPS
My Relationship: Take off or stuck on the runway?
To leave or to stay?
The 'nothing much happening' times
A relationship that's holding me back
People who energise. People who drain
Too many takers and not enough givers
Am I expecting too much from her/him?
Disappointing relationship or futile quest for perfect mate?

LIFE-CHANGING RELATIONSHIPS
People you've been flying with
Flying together as a group
Collecting moments, not things
Oh, how we laugh!
Knights (posing as people)

LOVE HURTS
Museum of hurt
When I can't reach you
Life after losing a person or their love
The end of a relationship. What now?
Loving someone who isn't good at loving
Do I matter to you?
No one listens / too unhelped
Rejected / not wanted / uninvited / redundant
On the outside of the group

DAMAGING AND DESTRUCTIVE RELATIONSHIPS
Power over / power under / power with
Toxic shame
Managing conflict badly
Controlled
Emotional baggage
Hidden resentments
So many difficult/annoying people in my life
Anger fuelled by pain from the past

RELATIONSHIPS AND FEAR
Fear of intimacy
Withdrawal, avoidance and leaving
Fear of closeness and fear of distance
Fear of being in groups
Fear of being myself in case I am too much
Without a voice
Mistrust

TOOLS AND TECHNIQUES TO IMPROVE AND REPAIR RELATIONSHIPS

The art of relationship (for one person)

The 'when you...I feel' exercise (for two people)

The 'unfinished sentence' exercise (for two people)

The 'like / don't like it' game (for two people)

The empathy game (for two people)

Our best and worst times (for two people)

Theories of motivation (for two people)

Paper conversations