KORREL KANOY is professor emeritus of psychology at William Peace University and an educational consultant. HOWARD E. BOOK is an organizational consultant and psychiatrist. He is an associate professor in the department of psychiatry at the University of Toronto. STEVEN J. STEIN is a clinical psychologist and founder and CEO of Multi-Health Systems Inc. He is coauthor, with Howard Book, of The EQ Edge .

The book is sponsored by Multi-Health Systems (MHS), which has been publishing psychological assessments for 30 years.

Preface ix

About the Authors xi

1 Introduction to Emotional Intelligence 1

Emotional Intelligence Overview 2

A Word About EI Scales and Skills 4

The Student EQ Edge: Student Workbook: An Overview 4

Why Reflection? 5

2 Case Studies of Emotionally Intelligent (and Not Emotionally Intelligent!) Behavior 7

Case Study #1: Why Can't I Make an A? 7

Case Study #2: 15 Years to Graduate 8

Case Study #3: But I'm Good! 10

Case Study #4: Starting College 11

Case Study #5: Shared Responsibilities 12

Case Study #6: A Costly Decision 13

Case Study #7: First Job Jitters 14

Case Study #8: No Way 15

Case Study #9: Twins? 17

3 Emotional Self-Awareness 19

Worksheet 3.1: Feelings Journal 21

Worksheet 3.2: Hot Buttons 22

Worksheet 3.3: ABCDE Exercise-Th e Impact of Th oughts on

Emotions and Behaviors 24

Worksheet 3.4: Hot Buttons on Reality TV 26

Worksheet 3.5: Positive and Negative Aff ect 27

Worksheet 3.6: Self-Development Plan for Emotional Self-Awareness 28

4 Self-Regard 29

Worksheet 4.1: Who Am I? 31

Worksheet 4.2: Locus of Control Scale (Rotter, 1966) 32

Worksheet 4.3: Positive and Negative Self-Talk 35

Worksheet 4.4: 3600 Feedback 36

Worksheet 4.5: Modern Family 37

Worksheet 4.6: Self-Development Plan for Self-Regard 38

5 Self-Actualization 39

Worksheet 5.1: Who Am I? 41

Worksheet 5.2: Emotions Meter 42

Worksheet 5.3: Quotes, Sayings, and Songs-A Window into You! 43

Worksheet 5.4: Defi ning Your Personal Mission Statement 44

Worksheet 5.5: Th e Amazing Race 45

Worksheet 5.6: Self-Development Plan for Self-Actualization 46

6 Emotional Expression 47

Worksheet 6.1: Observing Emotions 50

Worksheet 6.2: Observing Your Emotions 51

Worksheet 6.3: Follow the Leader 53

Worksheet 6.4: "I" Messages 57

Worksheet 6.5: TV Emotions 60

Worksheet 6.6: Self-Development Plan for Emotional Expression 62

7 Independence 63

Worksheet 7.1: Private Eye 66

Worksheet 7.2: By Yourself 69

Worksheet 7.3: Please Do Th is for Me! 70

Worksheet 7.4: Reality TV-Too Needy, Too Alone, or Just Right? 71

Worksheet 7.5: On My Own 72

Worksheet 7.6: Self-Development Plan for Independence 74

8 Assertiveness 75

Worksheet 8.1: Assertive, Aggressive, or Passive? 78

Worksheet 8.2: It Seems So Easy When Others Do It 80

Worksheet 8.3: Giving Feedback 81

Worksheet 8.4: Controversial Issues 83

Worksheet 8.5: Assertiveness Quiz 84

Worksheet 8.6: Self-Development Plan for Assertiveness 86

9 Interpersonal Relationship 87

Worksheet 9.1: My Favorite Person 90

Worksheet 9.2: Sharing Secrets 92

Worksheet 9.3: Scaling the Intimacy Wall 93

Worksheet 9.4: Beginning a Relationship 94

Worksheet 9.5: Getting Closer 95

Worksheet 9.6: Self-Development Plan for Interpersonal Relationship 96

10 Empathy 97

Worksheet 10.1: What Is Empathy? 99

Worksheet 10.2: Th e Art of Questions 100

Worksheet 10.3: Refl ective Listening 102

Worksheet 10.4: Empathy Assessment 103

Worksheet 10.5: Listening Even When It's Hard to Do! 106

Worksheet 10.6: Self-Development Plan for Empathy 108

11 Social Responsibility 109

Worksheet 11.1: Doing What's Right 112

Worksheet 11.2: Cooperation 114

Worksheet 11.3: A Company's Social Responsibility Policy 115

Worksheet 11.4: My Social Responsibility Policy 116

Worksheet 11.5: Take Action! 117

Worksheet 11.6: Self-Development Plan for Social Responsibility 118

12 Reality Testing 119

Worksheet 12.1: My Big Decision 122

Worksheet 12.2: Th e Mirrors Around You 124

Worksheet 12.3: Failed Reality Testing 126

Worksheet 12.4: Decision-Making Interviews 127

Worksheet 12.5: Reality-Testing Scenarios 128

Worksheet 12.6: Self-Development Plan for Reality Testing 130

13 Problem Solving 131

Worksheet 13.1: What Is My Emotion? 134

Worksheet 13.2: Failed Decisions Revisited 136

Worksheet 13.3: Solving Your Problems 137

Worksheet 13.4: But Can I Really Change My Emotion? 139

Worksheet 13.5: One Fine Day 140

Worksheet 13.6: Self-Development Plan for Problem Solving 141

14 Impulse Control 143

Worksheet 14.1: Marshmallow Cravings 146

Worksheet 14.2: But I Want . . . 147

Worksheet 14.3: Survivor 148

Worksheet 14.4: No Regrets? 149

Worksheet 14.5: Strategies for Success 150

Worksheet 14.6: Self-Development Plan for Impulse Control 151

15 Flexibility 153

Worksheet 15.1: Refl ections About Change 156

Worksheet 15.2: Flexibility Survey 157

Worksheet 15.3: Th e Price of Infl exibility 159

Worksheet 15.4: Stretching Yourself 161

Worksheet 15.5: Flexibility Forecasting 162

Worksheet 15.6: Self-Development Plan for Flexibility 164

16 Stress Tolerance 165

Worksheet 16.1: Identifying Your Stressors 168

Worksheet 16.2: Understanding Why You Get Stressed 169

Worksheet 16.3: Irrational Th inking and Stress 170

Worksheet 16.4: Resources for Coping 172

Worksheet 16.5: Stress Busters 173

Worksheet 16.6: Self-Development Plan for Stress Tolerance 174

17 Optimism 175

Worksheet 17.1: Optimism Begins with Framing 179

Worksheet 17.2: De-motivators-Watch Your Self-Talk 180

Worksheet 17.3: Assessing Your Optimism 182

Worksheet 17.4: Pep Talks and Persistence 184

Worksheet 17.5: Perseverance Defi ned 186

Worksheet 17.6: Self-Development Plan for Optimism 187

18 Happiness 189

Worksheet 18.1: Taking Stock of Your Happiness Level 192

Worksheet 18.2: Laugh a Little, Laugh a Lot 193

Worksheet 18.3: Does Money Buy Happiness? 194

Worksheet 18.4: Well-Being Indicators 195

Worksheet 18.5: Th e Pursuit of Happyness 197

Worksheet 18.6: One Commitment-Self-Development Plan for Happiness 198

References 199

Appendix A KISS Strategies for Improving Emotional Intelligence 201

Appendix B Movie Selections for Learning About Emotional Intelligence 213