Introduction: Charlie Kaufman is My Doppelganger or Why I Want to Blow My Fucking Brains Out

Preamble to Chapter 1 Ask Lloyd: Penniless in Pittsburgh

Chapter 1: Producing Models and Car Models or Producing America's Next Top Tromodel

Preamble to Chapter 2 Ask Lloyd: Nervous in Naples

Chapter 2: How I Got a Rabbi To Hate Jews or How I Let Oliver Stone Beat the Crap Out of me to Hone his Producer Skills

Preamble to Chapter 3 Ask Lloyd: So Close in So. Cal

Chapter 3: Film School or Porno? Taint No Difference or My Dinner with Louis Su

Preamble to Chapter 4 Ask Lloyd: Losing It In Las Vegas

Chapter 4: Producing Movies Inevitably Gets You Stoned (and is Really, Really Hard) or A Union Dose of Some Shirley Jackson Optimism Goes a Long Way

Preamble to Chapter 5 Ask Lloyd: Eager in Erie

Chapter 5: Is There a Business Plan? Is IMDB Ass? or Secrets of Financing and Producing from the Pickled Brain of an Elaborate Non-Pyramid Schemer

Intermission: Andy Deemer Production Diaries

Preamble to Chapter 6 Ask Lloyd: Starstruck in Starbucks

Chapter 6: Pre-Sell Your Flick in a Game of Five Card Stud or Go For a Straight Flush

Preamble to Chapter 7 Ask Lloyd: Anxious in Anchorage

Chapter 7: Fuck Me Jesus on a Pogo Stick! - WHERE am I Going to Produce My Own Damn Movie? or The Secrets of The Location Vocation

Preamble to Chapter 8 Ask Lloyd: Pumped Up In Peoria

Chapter 8: How To Do It Hollywood Style or Lloyd Kaufman is the Herpes of the Film Industry. He Won't Go Away.

Preamble to Chapter 9 Ask Lloyd: Frustrated in Frankfurt

Chapter 9: Face the Music: Post-Production and Distribution, or Pump Up Your Production to a Higher Level

Preamble to Afterword Ask Lloyd: Frugal in Fargo

TromAfterword

A Trio of E-mail Exchanges Among Ashley, Elinor and Lloyd, and A Final Final Ending to This Book About Producing

Index