Pearl de Sagesse de Sabaduria de Wisdom de Tout, also known as Pearl de Wisdom or ME Pearl, is an all-knowing, all-powerful squirrel deity and an internet sensation. Pearl lived for twelve years in Southern California under the care of Georgette Spelvin, known to Pearl as Pink Mama, an oddly sentimental witchy woman and licensed wildlife rehabilitator. In captivity, Pearl gained omniscience by gnawing her way through most of the Merriam-Webster English dictionary and bits of the Larousse Spanish and French and by using her seven senses to absorb vast amounts of information (the rest she makes up). The very model of a modern psychic squirrel, Pearl ascended to the heights of psychic prowess, surpassing all other animals, people, and plants. After her death, Pearl’s mission became to aggrandize herself through religion, politics, social media, cult formation, charitable contributions, and syndicated advice columns, as the divine Pearl fully expects anyone who comes in contact with her to benefit beyond their wildest dreams. Using Georgette as her mouthpiece and conduit, she continues her work as a prophet online by providing sage life advice for the masses on her website [...] and through the YouTube channel MEpearlA, where she has more than 124,000 subscribers and shares videos relating to the proper care and keeping of possums and provides a wealth of life advice. Pearl and Georgette have been celebrated in a wide range of media, including New York magazine’s “The Cut,” Messy Nessy, BuzzFeed, Jezebel, KQED, AV Club, Oddity Central, Comedy Central’s Tosh.0, and Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld. Her uncredited videos have appeared on Good Morning America, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, and The Late Show with Stephen Colbert. Pearl’s spirit, channeled through Georgette, resides in Astralburg, Etheria.

Georgette Spelvin is a licensed wildlife rehabilitator specializing in small mammals. She is married to artist and front man Royce van Oyster, who capably assists in the operation of her complex animal sanctuary. Georgette worked as a performance artist, professional masseuse, veterinary technician, dual diagnosis counselor on the psychiatric unit of a major metropolitan hospital, and the resident storyteller of an International Cultural Center, before her body, mind, and spirit were entirely usurped by a willful little squirrel. Georgette resides with the spirit of Pearl in Astralburg, Etheria.

Preface: Notes on the Revolution

The Seven Lively Virtues

Possum Care (Stupid Possum Stuff You Should Know)

Gourmet Cooking

Self-Care: Beauty, Fitness, and Glamour

Etiquette

Psychic Readings and the Zodiac

Wildlife Protection

The Pearlestine Prophesies

The Secret to Everlasting Happiness