Growing up in a strict home in Germany, I couldn't wait to leave the country at age 18 with my new American husband. Germany held the reminders and constraints of an authoritarian father, and I desperately needed to be free of rules and expectations. Little could I have known what life would be like in the States, where I quickly found myself stuck in a trailer in South Carolina, surrounded by pine trees with no one else around other than a controlling, alcoholic spouse.
Fast forward five years. Happily divorced and free from a dominating male presence, I moved to a new state, finally able to explore life as an independent woman. Along the way, I was fortunate to encounter several men who turned into mentors, supporters, best friends, and even one soulmate. However, there was no dodging the male rule for long. As I stepped into corporate management, I quickly started to understand a woman's expected role in a setting dominated by men. It was an environment I had been trying to escape from since childhood. I realized escape was not the solution, only a deliberate avoidance. I wanted to become an active participant in the fight for women's rights.
For me, it meant quitting my corporate job in 2018 to start writing DICKOTOMY, A Dickless Memoir. DICKOTOMY showcases some of the male characters women encounter in all aspects of their lives. The book-and the men in it-became the inspiration for the DICKLESS movement.
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What defines you? Have you ever given this any thought?
In this memoir, I wondered if my strict childhood, my naivety as an immigrant, my insecurities in standing up for myself and others, or my struggles to find my voice in corporate America were my defining moments. But then it struck me:
Who defines you? was a much better question to ask. In my case, was it Daddy Dearest, who made all the rules, or The Alcoholic, who controlled my every move, or The Narcissistic Bully, who only cared about himself, or The Distrusting CEO, who heard what I had to say, but who didn't listen? And what about The Guardian, who helped rebuild my trust in men, The Boys, who taught me about unconditional love, or The Soulmate, who simply let me be me?
DICKOTOMY acknowledges the importance of the Ricks and Dicks in every woman's life. Ultimately, it is up to us to decide who we truly are.