After my 14-month-old son Lukas died, I learned that grief is not only about missing the person you lost. It reaches into every part of your life.
The person you were.
The people around you.
The future you thought was waiting for you.
The ordinary things you never knew would become treasures.
Broken Hearts & Butterflies is my story of what happened to me after my world changed forever.
I write about the anger, guilt, fear, loneliness, and relentless missing. About friendships changing and people disappearing. About memories that can make you smile and break your heart at the same time. About the milestones that keep coming and all the tomorrows that never came.
And I write about love. Because losing Lukas did not make me stop being his mama or loving him with everything I have.
The chapters move from A to Z through the many emotions and realities of grief. Not as stages to complete or a way to move on, but as pieces of a life I had to learn to carry after losing my little boy.
I can't make sense of losing Lukas. I can only tell you what it has been like to live without him.
I wrote the things I often couldn't explain to people who had never experienced a loss like mine. The thoughts that felt too painful, too uncomfortable, or sometimes even too ugly to say out loud.
If you are grieving, I hope you recognize pieces of your own heart in these pages.
And if you love someone who is grieving, I hope my words help you understand a little more of what they may not know how to tell you.
This is my grief. My love. My life after Lukas.
Because all these years later, he is still my son. And I am still his mama.